Our baby room is ready, but we are not expecting.
Our hearts long to meet our future children. Every day I find myself walking into the nursery and being filled with both a sense of excitement and dread. Excitement because I cannot wait to hold them, to welcome them into our home, love them and teach them to love our Savior. But dread because in their short lives they will have lived things that no child should live. For the rest of their lives they will be marked with the experience of trauma and neglect; and it’s only because of those experiences that they will live in our home, with us as their foster parents.
In those moments, I’m led to my knees in prayer. Prayer for God’s mercy in their lives. Prayer for God’s protection over their souls, mind, body, and hearts. Prayer for them to feel God’s presence, love and protection even in the really hard things they will live. Prayer for healing from their trauma. Prayer that God uses us to care for them, love them and be a safe place for their growth and development. Prayer that God calls them to him so as they grow up, they are able to know Him, love Him and serve him. Because I know that Jesus is the best thing for them and praying and teaching them about him is the best thing I can do right now and for the rest of my life.
This is my first lesson into motherhood: Jesus Christ loves our future children more than I ever will, he alone is in control and knowing him as their Savior is the absolute best thing for them.
Even before we meet them, I have to surrender them to him. I have to believe that Jesus is SUFFICIENT, ENOUGH, BETTER and ABLE! Jesus alone is able to guard their minds, protect their bodies and save their souls. Only Jesus is able to bring healing to their hearts. Only Jesus is the source of hope, security, peace and only He can secure a future for them.
So as we wait for the foster care licensing process to be completed, as we anxiously prepare for their arrival and as we wait to meet them. I need to remember that: they do not belong to me, I cannot rescue them from their pain, I cannot heal them from their scars, and I cannot be the super mommy that does it all and protects them from it all. BUT, I CAN TRUST IN THE ONE WHO CAN. I can come in prayer before him and surrender them to him. I can teach my soul to trust in God alone. I can come daily to the Word to learn about the hope that Jesus gives. I can rest in the truth that even when I do not know them, God does, and he is watching over them. He will care for them, he will protect them, and he will sustain them for the rest of their lives.
So now, we wait. We pray. We trust.